16-year-old daughter asks parents to take out $35k personal loan to help cover her Italian destination wedding, doesn't understand why her mom refuses: 'My husband thinks should help her out'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 10, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Destination weddings can be a tricky business. When you think of your dream wedding, it might be in a far-flung locale surrounded by the people you love. But when you think about it a little further, you realize just how expensive this is to accomplish. Not only do you have to pay for the wedding venue, a place to stay, catering, and more, but you either have to pay for all your guests' travel or else expect them to take on a huge financial burden. Unless all of your family are also close kin of Mr. Moneybags, then this is not a great thing to ask of your guests. 

Weddings are expensive, even when they're down the street from you. You have to buy a gift, an outfit, and if you've been invited to the bachelor's/bachelorette party, odds are you've already shelled out. This is all to say it's best to be scrupulous when hosting a destination wedding.

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  • 01

    AITA for refusing to take out a loan for my daughter's dream wedding?

    My daughter is 26 and getting married next year. She's been planning this elaborate destination wedding in Italy that would cost around 80k total. She's been saving for years and has about 30k put away, plus we've contributed another 15k from what we had set aside for wedding expenses.
    via u/Fit-Dimension5501
  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10527769856
    via Unsplash+ (Kateryna Hliznitsova)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • One bride didn't take this note, though, and had bigger dreams than what her budget allowed. When she was planning her wedding, the question of funds held up her dreams. But when she went to her parents for help, they weren't quite as willing as she thought they'd be. 

  • 03
    The problem is she's still short about 35k for everything she wants - the villa rental, catering for 100 guests, photographer, her dress, flowers and so on. She came to us last week asking if we could take out a personal loan to cover the difference. She says she and her fianc will pay us back over the next few years.
    via u/Fit-Dimension5501
  • 04
    My husband thinks we should help her out since "it's her special day" and she's always dreamed of this kind of wedding. He's pushing me to agree to the loan, saying we have good credit and can get decent rates.
    via u/Fit-Dimension5501
  • 05
    But I'm absolutely against taking on debt for a wedding. We're in our 50s, still paying our own mortgage, and I want to focus on our retirement savings. I told her she needs to either scale back her plans to fit her budget or find another way to fund it. Maybe a smaller wedding now and a big celebration later when she can afford it.
    via u/Fit-Dimension5501
  • 06
    Am I really the a h_le for refusing to go into debt for my daughter's expensive wedding dreams?
    via u/Fit-Dimension5501
  • 07

    Commenters recognized the ridiculousness of this request.

    cupcakecurlzx • 1h ago no, you're not the ah. it's reasonable to say no to going into debt for a wedding. you've already helped a lot. it's her dream, but she should plan within what she can afford. your retirement and financial security come first.
    via u/cupcakecurlzx
  • 08
    2dogslife 1h ago . You've already given her a generous sum, and you'll be expected to travel, incurring. additional costs. Honestly, she's in for a ride awakening, because if she invites 100 people to a destination wedding, she'll be lucky if 30-40 show up.
    via u/2dogslife
  • 09
    I would not take out loans for a wedding. That's insanity. Have the wedding you can afford. At the end of the day, all these types of brides forget that it's about the MARRIAGE, not the wedding, and then they end up divorced fairly quickly because their focus is on the short-term instead of the long haul.
    via u/2dogslife
  • 10
    Mysterious_Book8747 • 1h ago That's an insane amount of money already allotted. I wouldn't want to do a loan for the rest either no.
    via u/Mysterious_Book8747
  • 11
    ArtisticLicence • 1h ago NTA. absolutely don't do it. Do you know how many people are still paying off their wedding after they get divorced. And guests often hate destination weddings She's expecting all her friends and family to fly over there for thousands of dollars? In this economy? With house. prices like they are? You'll need another 5 to 10 grand to get yourselves over there.
    via u/ArtisticLicence
  • 12
    Unless you're Jeff Bezos rich, destination weddings are tacky in this day and age. Actually destination weddings are also tacky even if you're Jeff bezos.
    via u/ArtisticLicence
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    Cheezburger Image 10527770112
    via Unsplash+ (A. C.)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    • Enough-Already-0 1h ago Who the f spends $80k on a wedding? That would be far better spent towards the down payment on a house. NTA.
    via u/Enough-Already-0
  • 15
    Tasty-Ingenuity-4662 · 1h ago . Taking a loan for an event is insane, irresponsible and plain stupid.
    via u/Tasty-Ingenuity-4662
  • 16
    cassowary32 • 1h ago Nope. Why doesn't SHE take out the personal loan and pay it back? Why involve you at all? The banks know she isn't going to pay it back, don't be a sucker and spend the next 10 years paying for her 24 hour dream. It's time she grows up. NTA.
    via u/cassowary32
  • 17
    FloMoJoeBlow ⚫ 1h ago • NTA. Daughter has champagne tastes on a beer budget.
    via u/FloMoJoeBlow
  • 18
    Glittering-Fix-6223 · 1h ago Absolutely NTAH. This post just screams entitlement. How dare she ask you to jeopardize your retirement for an extravagant overseas party!!
    via u/Glittering-Fix-6223
  • 19
    Very-last-boyscout • 1h ago NTA You would be a stupid a..hole to take out the loan. If your daughter cannot get married on a budget of 45k (that is: 45.000.000,-!), then I guess she won't get married for another decade or so.
    via u/Very-last-boyscout
  • 20
    Chefnick500 · 1h ago . No .. she needs to tailor wedding to budget...
    via u/Chefnick500
  • 21
    Curious_Eggplant6296 · 1h ago . Is your husband always this bad at financial decision making? NTA
    via u/Curious_Eggplant6296
  • 22
    NefariousnessFresh24 • 1h ago NTA - destination weddings are BS to begin with - now she not only wants her guests to shell out a fuckton of money, but you to take out a personal loan, just so she can play shiny pretty princess for a day? I get it that this is her dream, but if she can't afford it now, maybe save up for a few more years? Or maybe.... scale down?
    via u/NefariousnessFresh24
  • 23
    True_Caramel_6810 • 1h ago NTA― the wedding that she wants is from a different tax bracket. Not making assumptions about your income at all, I'm on your side, but she's going to use $30k of her life savings on a wedding??? Going into 5-figure debt at her age AND your age is irresponsible, if anyone says to co-sign and let her pay.
    via u/True_Caramel_6810
  • 24
    Candid-Deer-9503 1h ago NTA Bridezilla needs a slap of reality cause her "special day" shouldn't leave her and soon to be husband in debt for years for day one
    via u/Candid-Deer-9503
  • 25
    juzme99 1h ago . She is putting in 35, you 15 what is her intended or his family putting in. she can have a fabulous wedding for 45 k. You know they could elope to Italy they have great elopement packages to Italy, and still have money for a house deposit. Not the kind of debt I'd take on at
    via u/juzme99
  • 26
    your stage of life. If your husband still pushes it, explain how you have no guarantee that they will pay you back without a legal contract.
    via u/juzme99
  • 27
    Nikki-Evan5 · 1h ago . Absolutely NTA, my neighbour took out a £35k loan for his daughters wedding only for them to divorce 2 years later. That was in 2016, he's still working hard to pay back the loan at 62. His daughter and ex- husband paid it for the 2 years but since he vanished and she can't afford the payments he's been left to deal with it alone.
    via u/Nikki-Evan5

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